In the last post of this Faith and Love Series, I spoke honestly about staying married and the quiet work of commitment, and I also confronted the reality of when staying becomes unsafe. Now let us take one more step into a topic many whisper about but rarely discuss with nuance. Remarriage after unfaithfulness.
Some people approach this conversation with fear. Others with judgment. But Scripture invites us to approach it with understanding.
I am referring to Matthew 19:9, where Jesus says:
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
This verse can feel heavy, especially for people who have already lived through heartbreak. So let us unpack it gently, clearly, and with the honesty you expect from this series.
1. What Jesus was addressing
Jesus was responding to men who treated divorce like changing clothes. The Pharisees believed they could dismiss their wives for any reason, even minor annoyances. Burnt food. Annoyance. Losing interest. (see Matthew 19:3).
Jesus was correcting this casual culture. He was reminding them that marriage is a covenant, not a disposal bag. He was not condemning the innocent. He was confronting those who weaponised divorce to satisfy their selfishness. It was a call back to God’s original intent. Respect. Honor. Commitment. Not convenience.
2. The Exception clause: “except for sexual immorality”
The phrase Jesus used refers to porneia, a broad word for sexual unfaithfulness that violates the covenant. When adultery happens, the covenant is already violated. Jesus allowed divorce in such cases because the bond has been broken by the offender’s actions, not the victim’s.
So in this situation:
- The innocent partner who chooses divorce because of adultery is free to remarry.
- The unfaithful partner who caused the breakup and refuses repentance is not free unless they truly repent and seek forgiveness.
Because the covenant was not destroyed by the one who left. It was destroyed by the one who betrayed.
3. Paul’s confirmation
Paul adds one more dimension in 1 Corinthians 7:15:
“If the unbelieving partner leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances.”
This “not bound” means the believer is free, including free to remarry. So both adultery and abandonment break the covenant.
And here abandonment is not only physical. As we explored in the previous post, someone can leave the marriage in spirit through violence, cruelty, or deceit while still living in the same house.
4. What about adultery by remarriage?
The phrase “commits adultery” in Matthew 19:9 refers to someone who divorces without just cause (for selfish or trivial reasons) and then replaces their spouse by remarrying. In that case, Jesus said the remarriage is adulterous because the original covenant still stands before God.
But if the divorce happened because of covenant-breaking sin (like infidelity, abandonment, or violence), the innocent partner is not guilty of adultery when they remarry. The betrayal already shattered the bond.
Remarriage in such a context is not rebellion. It is recovery.
5. The Heart of the matter
The Bible is always concerned with restoration, not punishment. If someone divorced due to betrayal, abuse, or abandonment, and later remarries with intergrity and discernment, grace covers that union.
📖 Romans 8:1 reminds us:
“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
God is not in the business of binding people to pain. He is in the business of leading His children into peace.
✨ In Summary
| Situation | Covenant status | Remarriage |
|---|---|---|
| Adultery (unrepentant) | Covenant broken by offender | Innocent party free to remarry |
| Abandonment by unbelieving spouse | Covenant dissolved (1 Cor 7:15) | Free to remarry |
| Casual divorce (no biblical reason) | Covenant still stands | Remarriage equals adultery |
| Abuse, violence, or coercion | Covenant broken by destruction of peace | Free to separate and, after healing, may remarry with wisdom |
Jesus was not trying to trap people in misery. He was raising the standard for love. He was saying marriage deserves honor, depth, and faithfulness. But He was also saying: when faithfulness has been shattered, when the covenant is no longer mutual, when the heart and body have been betrayed, remarriage can be redemption.
Not every ending is a failure. Some endings are the doorway to healing, peace, and God’s gentle restoration.
💌 — The Sassy Engineer
Discover more from Sassy Engineer
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
